1 00:00:05,954 --> 00:00:08,351 Huh? 2 00:00:10,525 --> 00:00:12,085 Guillermo? 3 00:00:14,017 --> 00:00:15,720 Guillermo! 4 00:00:16,601 --> 00:00:18,571 - Boo! - The child 5 00:00:18,656 --> 00:00:20,110 who clawed his way out of the abdomen 6 00:00:20,195 --> 00:00:21,688 of our dead friend Colin Robinson 7 00:00:21,773 --> 00:00:23,829 has reached that wild age. 8 00:00:23,914 --> 00:00:25,595 That's mine. You'll take it off 9 00:00:25,679 --> 00:00:27,482 - this second. - Catch me, catch me! 10 00:00:27,566 --> 00:00:30,118 - He's a very active lad. - - It feels like weeks 11 00:00:30,203 --> 00:00:31,821 since I had had a good day's slumber. 12 00:00:31,906 --> 00:00:34,728 Fucking little guy. 13 00:00:34,812 --> 00:00:36,632 This ruckus never seems to end. 14 00:00:36,716 --> 00:00:37,969 He's very loud, and unlike us, 15 00:00:38,053 --> 00:00:39,171 he does not sleep during the day. 16 00:00:39,255 --> 00:00:40,796 Nor does he sleep during the night. 17 00:00:40,881 --> 00:00:43,212 - When does he sleep? - I don't think he does. - 18 00:00:43,296 --> 00:00:45,171 Never a dull moment with that scalawag. 19 00:00:45,288 --> 00:00:48,383 - I'm pretty sure he must be part demon. - Nonsense. 20 00:00:48,468 --> 00:00:49,930 He's all boy. 21 00:00:50,015 --> 00:00:52,625 ♪ A-well a-everybody's heard about the bird ♪ 22 00:00:52,710 --> 00:00:55,267 ♪ B-b-b-bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word... ♪ 23 00:00:55,351 --> 00:00:58,239 We tried to distract him by buying him toys. 24 00:00:58,323 --> 00:01:00,766 But he just breaks the toy and plays with the box. 25 00:01:00,851 --> 00:01:02,916 Which he then sets on fire. 26 00:01:03,414 --> 00:01:04,451 Ah, well, at least 27 00:01:04,601 --> 00:01:06,125 he's not showing signs of being a bore 28 00:01:06,210 --> 00:01:07,696 or an energy vampire. 29 00:01:07,781 --> 00:01:08,695 He has a very curious 30 00:01:08,780 --> 00:01:10,462 - and inquisitive mind. - Colin, no! 31 00:01:10,546 --> 00:01:11,860 Gizmo, shut the fuck up! 32 00:01:11,945 --> 00:01:14,499 We're doing a piece to camera. As I was saying, 33 00:01:14,583 --> 00:01:16,436 he has a very inquisitive and curious mind. 34 00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:18,975 That is just a very nice, bullshitty way of saying that 35 00:01:19,059 --> 00:01:21,079 - if we leave him unsupervised for even one moment... - Colin, no! No! 36 00:01:21,163 --> 00:01:22,850 ...he runs down to the bloody flooded basement 37 00:01:22,934 --> 00:01:24,419 and wreaks havoc. 38 00:01:24,503 --> 00:01:25,756 For no good reason at all. 39 00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:27,425 Colin, no! 40 00:01:27,509 --> 00:01:29,563 - - Colin! - No, 41 00:01:29,647 --> 00:01:30,833 I think there's method in his madness. 42 00:01:30,917 --> 00:01:32,101 What we're seeing 43 00:01:32,185 --> 00:01:33,504 are the early, tentative explorations 44 00:01:33,588 --> 00:01:35,374 of maybe a sculptor 45 00:01:35,458 --> 00:01:37,378 - or an architect. - Or a psychopath. 46 00:01:37,462 --> 00:01:38,714 - He's got a weapon! - Maybe it's... 47 00:01:38,798 --> 00:01:39,799 He's got a weapon! 48 00:01:39,883 --> 00:01:41,102 Whoa! 49 00:01:41,297 --> 00:01:43,735 I'm gonna get you! 50 00:01:44,514 --> 00:01:46,568 "You're Dead" by Norma Tanega playing... 51 00:01:46,653 --> 00:01:49,291 ♪ Don't sing if you want to live long ♪ 52 00:01:49,376 --> 00:01:51,741 ♪ They have no use for your song ♪ 53 00:01:51,825 --> 00:01:54,479 ♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead ♪ 54 00:01:54,563 --> 00:01:57,536 ♪ You're dead and out of this world ♪ 55 00:01:58,939 --> 00:02:01,928 ♪ Now your hope and compassion is gone ♪ 56 00:02:02,012 --> 00:02:04,666 ♪ You sold out your dream to the world ♪ 57 00:02:04,750 --> 00:02:06,971 ♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead ♪ 58 00:02:07,055 --> 00:02:09,709 ♪ You're dead and out of this world. ♪ 59 00:02:19,409 --> 00:02:20,995 But he needs to go to school 60 00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:22,832 so he can burn off some of this energy 61 00:02:22,916 --> 00:02:25,805 and learn structure and be around normal kids his own age. 62 00:02:25,889 --> 00:02:27,375 - But he's not a normal kid. - Mm. 63 00:02:27,459 --> 00:02:29,713 He's a singer, he's a dancer, he's an entertainer. 64 00:02:29,797 --> 00:02:31,016 He's got the magic. 65 00:02:32,836 --> 00:02:34,389 - You've got to do something! - What about you? 66 00:02:34,473 --> 00:02:36,160 - Have you been to a school? - I have. 67 00:02:36,244 --> 00:02:38,965 Actually, I happened to go to public school 68 00:02:39,049 --> 00:02:40,368 when I was little, and look at me. 69 00:02:40,452 --> 00:02:42,372 I turned out fine. 70 00:02:42,456 --> 00:02:43,774 Great plan. 71 00:02:43,858 --> 00:02:45,244 Send Baby Colin Robinson to a school, 72 00:02:45,328 --> 00:02:46,647 and he ends up like you. 73 00:02:46,731 --> 00:02:48,317 I have been thinking. 74 00:02:48,401 --> 00:02:51,323 Perhaps the answer is to send Baby Colin Robinson 75 00:02:51,407 --> 00:02:53,962 to a performing arts school 76 00:02:54,046 --> 00:02:56,733 where they just pretend to learn reading and writing 77 00:02:56,817 --> 00:02:57,970 and math, but at least they're out of the house 78 00:02:58,054 --> 00:03:00,125 for, like, eight hours of the day. 79 00:03:01,227 --> 00:03:03,414 What's going on here, then? 80 00:03:03,498 --> 00:03:05,986 - Where? - Have you had a haircut? 81 00:03:06,070 --> 00:03:07,722 Why? Have you had a haircut? 82 00:03:07,806 --> 00:03:10,712 Have you been watching Star Trek? 83 00:03:12,449 --> 00:03:15,338 Let's not, uh, focus on looking at me, 84 00:03:15,422 --> 00:03:16,840 okay, and focus on the big issue, 85 00:03:16,924 --> 00:03:19,012 which is the Baby Colin, correct? 86 00:03:19,096 --> 00:03:20,681 Okay. What if we send him 87 00:03:20,765 --> 00:03:22,987 to a very selective private school so he doesn't 88 00:03:23,071 --> 00:03:24,189 have to worry about rubbing shoulders 89 00:03:24,273 --> 00:03:25,892 with street tramps and dullards? 90 00:03:25,976 --> 00:03:27,862 No. We have plenty of good public schools here, 91 00:03:27,946 --> 00:03:29,967 - and they're free. - I thought you were doing the accounting. 92 00:03:30,051 --> 00:03:31,870 Isn't the nightclub swimming in the trillions? 93 00:03:31,954 --> 00:03:34,476 No, we need that money to fix the house. 94 00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:36,981 And I wouldn't say "trillions." No, definitely not. 95 00:03:37,065 --> 00:03:38,717 How much money have we made this month? 96 00:03:38,801 --> 00:03:40,821 Have to, like, crunch the numbers. 97 00:03:40,905 --> 00:03:43,794 - Top of my head, I don't... - Hold on a second. Nandor, 98 00:03:43,878 --> 00:03:45,898 - why don't you rub your genie? - He is a djinn. 99 00:03:45,982 --> 00:03:47,869 Well, whether he's a djinn or not, give him a rub, 100 00:03:47,953 --> 00:03:49,840 make a wish and we can clean this bullshit up. 101 00:03:49,924 --> 00:03:51,109 Well, I cannot do that. 102 00:03:51,193 --> 00:03:52,245 - Why? - Because I only have 103 00:03:52,329 --> 00:03:53,814 a very limited number of wishes, 104 00:03:53,898 --> 00:03:55,918 - and I cannot be wasting them. - Selfish. 105 00:03:56,002 --> 00:03:57,722 And anyway, I already asked him. 106 00:03:57,806 --> 00:04:02,065 And he said that he is legally prohibited 107 00:04:02,149 --> 00:04:04,971 from doing any kind of house stuff. 108 00:04:05,055 --> 00:04:06,340 Bummer. 109 00:04:06,424 --> 00:04:08,410 Of course I could ask the djinn 110 00:04:08,494 --> 00:04:10,748 to make all of our troubles with the house disappear. 111 00:04:10,832 --> 00:04:13,520 But it's a very slippery slope. 112 00:04:13,604 --> 00:04:15,358 Are you sure you haven't had a haircut? 113 00:04:15,442 --> 00:04:16,860 First we fix the house. 114 00:04:16,944 --> 00:04:18,430 Then it's like, "Oh, Nandor, 115 00:04:18,514 --> 00:04:21,003 can you wish for a new rug?" or some shit. 116 00:04:21,087 --> 00:04:23,307 And before you know it, all of my wishes will be used up, 117 00:04:23,391 --> 00:04:26,747 and I will have no more wishes left to make a global impact. 118 00:04:26,831 --> 00:04:29,486 Which is what I plan on focusing on next: 119 00:04:29,570 --> 00:04:31,490 Philanthropy. 120 00:04:31,574 --> 00:04:33,294 Hey. 121 00:04:33,378 --> 00:04:34,829 You rang? 122 00:04:34,913 --> 00:04:36,800 I did? Oh. 123 00:04:36,884 --> 00:04:38,504 It was an accident. 124 00:04:38,588 --> 00:04:40,976 So, uh, you are satisfied 125 00:04:41,060 --> 00:04:42,779 with the results of your last wish? 126 00:04:42,863 --> 00:04:45,117 Would you excuse us for just a moment? 127 00:04:45,201 --> 00:04:46,553 Philanthropy stuff. 128 00:04:46,637 --> 00:04:48,924 So, about my last wish. 129 00:04:49,008 --> 00:04:52,131 I think the removing of the wrinkles around the eyes 130 00:04:52,215 --> 00:04:54,002 was a success, yes? 131 00:04:54,086 --> 00:04:55,471 I live to serve. 132 00:04:55,555 --> 00:04:58,277 Uh, however, I feel like the smoothness of the skin 133 00:04:58,361 --> 00:05:00,448 is now drawing some attention 134 00:05:00,532 --> 00:05:02,885 to some bagginess under the eyes. 135 00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:05,524 - Hmm. Come. Come, let me see? - See here? 136 00:05:05,608 --> 00:05:07,477 "Meet Me Tonight in Dreamland" playing on piano... 137 00:05:07,561 --> 00:05:12,005 ♪ Meet me tonight in dreamland ♪ 138 00:05:12,089 --> 00:05:16,497 ♪ Under the silvery moon ♪ 139 00:05:17,432 --> 00:05:21,089 ♪ Meet me tonight in dreamland. ♪ - 140 00:05:21,173 --> 00:05:23,594 Shit. Not again. 141 00:05:23,678 --> 00:05:25,498 - Hey, guess what? Do you guys have YouTube? - What? 142 00:05:25,582 --> 00:05:27,502 And have you seen the new MrBeast video 143 00:05:27,586 --> 00:05:30,007 where he makes the world's largest elephant's toothpaste? 144 00:05:30,091 --> 00:05:32,947 - No. - What the fuck are you talking about? 145 00:05:33,031 --> 00:05:34,482 We may look as children, 146 00:05:34,566 --> 00:05:37,555 but we're 143 years old. 147 00:05:37,639 --> 00:05:40,328 Oh, okay. S-Sorry. 148 00:05:40,412 --> 00:05:43,200 It's all right, boy, they don't know what they're missing. 149 00:05:43,284 --> 00:05:45,604 Come on. Let's get on with the job in hand. 150 00:05:45,688 --> 00:05:48,043 Now I come to think of it, 151 00:05:48,127 --> 00:05:49,981 I suppose schooling isn't such a bad idea 152 00:05:50,065 --> 00:05:51,316 as long as he can have some japes 153 00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:53,087 and tomfoolery with his young cohorts. 154 00:05:53,171 --> 00:05:55,024 - Oops. - My love, it will be very good 155 00:05:55,108 --> 00:05:57,095 for him and very good for us. 156 00:05:57,179 --> 00:05:58,999 Yeah, but none of this public school shit. 157 00:05:59,083 --> 00:06:01,436 - Mm. - He's gonna be amongst the elites like I was. 158 00:06:01,520 --> 00:06:03,107 Well, I got some brochures here 159 00:06:03,191 --> 00:06:06,046 on some very impressive private schools 160 00:06:06,130 --> 00:06:08,017 in the area. Here you go. 161 00:06:08,101 --> 00:06:10,488 - Hmm? - I'm just gonna put it down here. 162 00:06:10,572 --> 00:06:12,091 Well, you can forget this one. Doesn't have a cricket field. 163 00:06:12,175 --> 00:06:14,496 - Or even a whipping post. - Good point. 164 00:06:14,580 --> 00:06:16,400 And what do you pose as a better solution? 165 00:06:16,484 --> 00:06:19,506 Well, I would say, um... 166 00:06:19,590 --> 00:06:23,013 Uh... this one looks good. 167 00:06:23,097 --> 00:06:24,616 - That's, uh, that's a receipt. - Oh. 168 00:06:24,700 --> 00:06:26,620 Put me down, you idiot! 169 00:06:26,704 --> 00:06:28,490 Stop struggling, you little rascal. 170 00:06:28,574 --> 00:06:29,626 - Oh, no. - Ugh. - You hurt my stomach, 171 00:06:29,710 --> 00:06:30,962 - you dummy. - Good little guy. 172 00:06:31,046 --> 00:06:32,031 - Baby Colin! - Whoa. 173 00:06:32,115 --> 00:06:32,598 Nice try, asshole. 174 00:06:32,682 --> 00:06:34,336 My back. 175 00:06:34,420 --> 00:06:36,273 Little nephew found his way over to my house again. 176 00:06:36,357 --> 00:06:37,542 I caught him in the garage, 177 00:06:37,626 --> 00:06:39,546 knocking, uh, holes in the drywall 178 00:06:39,630 --> 00:06:41,984 - with a ball peen hammer. - A thousand apologies to you, Sean. 179 00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:43,988 What's this? You sending the little guy to private school? 180 00:06:44,072 --> 00:06:45,257 Yeah, we're thinking about it. 181 00:06:45,341 --> 00:06:46,493 Oh. Well, you better add 182 00:06:46,577 --> 00:06:48,630 Helen Country Day School to the list 183 00:06:48,714 --> 00:06:51,370 'cause you're talking to an HCD grad right here. 184 00:06:51,454 --> 00:06:55,111 Really? Well, there you go. That's where the boy shall go. 185 00:06:55,195 --> 00:06:56,346 Yeah, I can help you with that. I happen to be 186 00:06:56,430 --> 00:06:58,016 very tight with the headmaster. 187 00:06:58,100 --> 00:06:59,519 Don't you think that's a rather hasty decision? 188 00:06:59,603 --> 00:07:01,456 Sean went there, and look how he's turned out. 189 00:07:01,540 --> 00:07:03,394 - Right. - Tuck his trousers in and everything. 190 00:07:03,478 --> 00:07:07,252 I've never been more cocksure of any decision in my life. 191 00:07:13,698 --> 00:07:15,351 Is everybody ready? The headmaster's gonna be here 192 00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:17,088 in ten minutes! 193 00:07:17,172 --> 00:07:19,092 And remember, you're just a regular human being 194 00:07:19,176 --> 00:07:20,962 who likes to do regular human things. 195 00:07:21,046 --> 00:07:22,632 You are not a vampire, 196 00:07:22,716 --> 00:07:24,269 and if... Oh, no. 197 00:07:24,353 --> 00:07:27,141 Ta-da! 198 00:07:27,225 --> 00:07:28,978 Well... 199 00:07:29,062 --> 00:07:33,253 "A" for effort on the whole looking human aspect, but no. 200 00:07:33,337 --> 00:07:35,424 Go upstairs and change into whatever your least vampirey 201 00:07:35,508 --> 00:07:37,361 vampire attire is. 202 00:07:37,445 --> 00:07:39,265 - But that is this. - Yes. - That is this? 203 00:07:39,349 --> 00:07:42,004 - This is that. - Okay, try this. 204 00:07:42,088 --> 00:07:44,509 Oh, I love pizza so much. 205 00:07:44,593 --> 00:07:46,613 That's pretty good. 206 00:07:46,697 --> 00:07:48,985 We have some water for... 207 00:07:49,069 --> 00:07:50,654 Wait, what happened? I thought you were gonna change. 208 00:07:50,738 --> 00:07:52,391 I couldn't find anything else to wear, 209 00:07:52,475 --> 00:07:53,995 - Guillermo. Just leave it. - Okay, okay. 210 00:07:54,079 --> 00:07:55,531 It's fine. You look great. Okay, let's do this. 211 00:07:55,615 --> 00:07:57,268 Oh! Here they are. 212 00:07:57,352 --> 00:07:59,305 Now, don't you worry, big man. You just do exactly 213 00:07:59,389 --> 00:08:00,407 - what we rehearsed, all right? - Mm-hmm. 214 00:08:00,491 --> 00:08:02,178 Guys, here he is. 215 00:08:02,262 --> 00:08:04,382 The man of the hour, Headmaster Warren. 216 00:08:04,466 --> 00:08:06,153 - Hi. - Yeah. 217 00:08:06,237 --> 00:08:07,588 Now, back when I was in school, 218 00:08:07,672 --> 00:08:09,994 he was nothing but a loser guidance counselor, 219 00:08:10,078 --> 00:08:11,663 but he really helped me 220 00:08:11,747 --> 00:08:14,636 set some more realistic goals for college. 221 00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:16,273 A four-year program isn't for everyone. 222 00:08:16,357 --> 00:08:19,679 But you turned out to be a fine young man, Sean. 223 00:08:19,763 --> 00:08:22,285 - Talking of fine young men, uh... - Oh! 224 00:08:22,369 --> 00:08:24,422 - And this must be Colin. - Go on. 225 00:08:24,506 --> 00:08:26,059 Hello, young man. 226 00:08:26,143 --> 00:08:28,564 It's my pleasure to make your acquaintance, sir. 227 00:08:28,648 --> 00:08:30,301 - And guess what? - What's that? 228 00:08:30,385 --> 00:08:33,540 I'm a remarkable smart lad who can sing and dance, 229 00:08:33,624 --> 00:08:36,079 and I never watch YouTube, 230 00:08:36,163 --> 00:08:38,150 - and I never pound holes in the wall using a hammer. - Ah! 231 00:08:38,234 --> 00:08:39,686 - Okay! - Off you go, Colin. 232 00:08:39,770 --> 00:08:41,356 I think we've had enough of that. 233 00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:43,060 - It's your bedtime, I think. - Please. 234 00:08:43,144 --> 00:08:45,164 - Please, take a seat. - Oh, out of the mouths of babes. 235 00:08:45,248 --> 00:08:48,670 Oh, so human of him. - Yes. 236 00:08:48,754 --> 00:08:51,076 So, uh, my apologies 237 00:08:51,160 --> 00:08:52,311 for not being fully up to speed, 238 00:08:52,395 --> 00:08:55,584 but, uh, who exactly are the parents? 239 00:08:55,668 --> 00:08:58,090 Uh... 240 00:08:58,174 --> 00:08:59,476 - Yeah. - Uh... 241 00:09:00,411 --> 00:09:02,498 When I click my fingers, 242 00:09:02,582 --> 00:09:04,736 you will enter a trance like state 243 00:09:04,820 --> 00:09:07,475 where you will hear nothing or see nothing. 244 00:09:07,559 --> 00:09:09,579 I will then click my fingers once more, 245 00:09:09,663 --> 00:09:11,616 and you will regain consciousness, 246 00:09:11,700 --> 00:09:14,222 remembering nothing of this pause. 247 00:09:14,306 --> 00:09:17,328 We really should have figured this out before they came. 248 00:09:17,412 --> 00:09:19,098 Who are we gonna say the parents are? 249 00:09:19,182 --> 00:09:20,734 Let's just say that I'm the mother and you are the father. 250 00:09:20,818 --> 00:09:22,605 - Good idea. - That won't work, my darling. 251 00:09:22,689 --> 00:09:24,609 - I've already told him I'm the boy's uncle. - Shit. 252 00:09:24,693 --> 00:09:26,580 Fine, I will be the father. 253 00:09:26,664 --> 00:09:28,116 - Looking like that? - Yes. 254 00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:29,586 - Better than nothing. - Well, look at him. 255 00:09:29,670 --> 00:09:31,356 - Laszlo, get over it! - Come on. 256 00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:33,360 - Ouch! Nandor. - Sorry. 257 00:09:34,579 --> 00:09:36,466 Yes, hello. 258 00:09:36,550 --> 00:09:38,470 We are Colin's parents. I am Nadja. 259 00:09:38,554 --> 00:09:40,341 I carried him to full term. 260 00:09:40,425 --> 00:09:43,280 Yes, and I am Matthew. 261 00:09:43,364 --> 00:09:46,086 Well, I'd love to ask you a few questions 262 00:09:46,170 --> 00:09:48,156 - about yourselves and Colin. - Mm. 263 00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:49,659 Yes, and we can answer those questions 264 00:09:49,743 --> 00:09:51,796 because we are very much Colin's parents. 265 00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:53,200 Yes. 266 00:09:53,284 --> 00:09:54,736 And I am Matthew. 267 00:09:54,820 --> 00:09:56,273 Okay. 268 00:09:56,357 --> 00:09:58,477 So, uh, let's get into it. 269 00:09:58,561 --> 00:10:01,349 How old is Colin? 270 00:10:01,433 --> 00:10:03,220 - Twelve. - Forty-two. 271 00:10:03,304 --> 00:10:04,789 - Sixteen. - One. 272 00:10:04,873 --> 00:10:06,426 - He's nine years old. - Nine! 273 00:10:06,510 --> 00:10:08,263 - ♪ He's nine. ♪ - Nine. 274 00:10:08,347 --> 00:10:10,100 Okay, great. 275 00:10:10,184 --> 00:10:12,838 Is everybody going to be staying for this next part, as well? 276 00:10:12,922 --> 00:10:14,542 I mean, usually, 277 00:10:14,626 --> 00:10:16,279 - it's only the... - I think 278 00:10:16,363 --> 00:10:17,848 he thinks it's weird that it's not just me and Nandor. 279 00:10:17,932 --> 00:10:19,385 - Matthew. - I think it's weird 280 00:10:19,469 --> 00:10:20,854 he wants you two alone in a room. 281 00:10:20,938 --> 00:10:22,592 Well, if everyone's staying, then I should stay, too. 282 00:10:22,676 --> 00:10:23,827 You know, for human guidance. 283 00:10:23,911 --> 00:10:25,264 Fine. I will fix this. 284 00:10:27,185 --> 00:10:29,405 ...uh, parents 285 00:10:29,489 --> 00:10:31,810 - who do the interview. - Good point, yes. 286 00:10:31,894 --> 00:10:34,249 But I would like to say that we're all going to stay 287 00:10:34,333 --> 00:10:36,152 because we very much think of everyone 288 00:10:36,236 --> 00:10:38,156 - in this room as members of the family. - Mm-hmm. 289 00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:40,194 So, please, meet our butler 290 00:10:40,278 --> 00:10:43,567 - and our groundskeeper. - I'm the groundskeeper, by the way. Ha! 291 00:10:43,651 --> 00:10:46,873 Okay, then. One big, happy family. 292 00:10:46,957 --> 00:10:48,744 Everyone helps out here. 293 00:10:48,828 --> 00:10:51,583 - There's a lot of love in this family. - Mm. 294 00:10:51,667 --> 00:10:52,852 In fact, there's so much love, 295 00:10:52,936 --> 00:10:54,188 apparently, you're with Nandor now 296 00:10:54,272 --> 00:10:55,691 and Laz doesn't mind? 297 00:10:55,775 --> 00:10:57,728 I mean, you know, it's no judgment. 298 00:10:57,812 --> 00:10:59,432 What's the word for what you guys are? It's... 299 00:10:59,516 --> 00:11:01,269 - Polyamorous? - Oh, 300 00:11:01,353 --> 00:11:02,571 I was thinking filthy hippies, 301 00:11:02,655 --> 00:11:04,309 but, uh, like I said, no judgement. 302 00:11:04,393 --> 00:11:06,179 Right, Mr. Warren? 303 00:11:06,263 --> 00:11:08,283 - Fuck's sake. - Of course this is a disaster. 304 00:11:08,367 --> 00:11:10,454 - He knows we're married, my darling. - Let's just say 305 00:11:10,538 --> 00:11:12,425 that I am the mother and Laszlo is the father. 306 00:11:12,509 --> 00:11:14,729 - Who am I going to be? - You're the groundskeeper now. 307 00:11:14,813 --> 00:11:16,299 - Keep up. - Come on. 308 00:11:16,383 --> 00:11:18,337 - Go, go, go, go, go. Careful. - I can see. 309 00:11:18,421 --> 00:11:20,341 Careful, the camera. Stop. No. 310 00:11:20,425 --> 00:11:22,745 - Stop. Ready. - Okay? 311 00:11:25,301 --> 00:11:27,722 So, uh... 312 00:11:27,806 --> 00:11:29,759 I'm sorry. Uh... 313 00:11:29,843 --> 00:11:32,331 - Where was I? - I don't know. 314 00:11:32,415 --> 00:11:35,488 I am just Matthew, the groundskeeper. 315 00:11:42,502 --> 00:11:43,887 And there Colin was, 316 00:11:43,971 --> 00:11:46,292 just perched on the top of the tree 317 00:11:46,376 --> 00:11:48,497 like a little snake. 318 00:11:48,581 --> 00:11:50,567 But not a snake. 319 00:11:50,651 --> 00:11:51,903 A real human baby. 320 00:11:51,987 --> 00:11:54,842 Very normal human baby. 321 00:11:54,926 --> 00:11:56,446 And we had no choice 322 00:11:56,530 --> 00:11:59,619 but to, um, take him in, crying. 323 00:11:59,703 --> 00:12:01,373 That is very odd. 324 00:12:02,542 --> 00:12:03,995 - But really quite beautiful. - Yeah. 325 00:12:04,079 --> 00:12:05,264 We consider it a positive 326 00:12:05,348 --> 00:12:06,866 to support family structures 327 00:12:06,950 --> 00:12:09,505 that at one time might have seemed unorthodox. 328 00:12:09,589 --> 00:12:12,211 In fact, I'd venture to say 329 00:12:12,295 --> 00:12:16,586 we have families far less traditional than yours. 330 00:12:16,670 --> 00:12:19,258 - Shit. - We aren't different enough. 331 00:12:19,342 --> 00:12:20,928 We need a weirder family structure. 332 00:12:21,012 --> 00:12:22,531 The more unorthodox we are, 333 00:12:22,615 --> 00:12:24,235 the more chance we have of getting him in. 334 00:12:24,319 --> 00:12:25,871 No, I think we're doing fine with the adoption angle. 335 00:12:25,955 --> 00:12:27,641 We need to be gay. 336 00:12:27,725 --> 00:12:30,314 No, there's plenty of gay parents out there. 337 00:12:30,398 --> 00:12:32,284 Trust me. Gay is in. 338 00:12:32,368 --> 00:12:34,455 Gay is hot. I want some gay. 339 00:12:34,539 --> 00:12:36,359 Gay it's gonna be. Nandor? 340 00:12:36,443 --> 00:12:38,864 As you can see, we're Colin's two dads. 341 00:12:38,948 --> 00:12:42,538 Wonderful. You know, our school is quite proud 342 00:12:42,622 --> 00:12:44,542 of our acceptance of family structures 343 00:12:44,626 --> 00:12:46,713 - that at one time might... - Yeah, can I stop you there? 344 00:12:46,797 --> 00:12:49,419 You need to know that we're very gay for each other. 345 00:12:49,503 --> 00:12:50,687 Completely gay. 346 00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:52,792 We are like two French trombones. 347 00:12:52,876 --> 00:12:55,397 And this guy? I ream him nightly. 348 00:12:55,481 --> 00:12:56,866 And I'm always sucking him off. 349 00:12:56,950 --> 00:12:58,603 They are like, "Come, it's dinner! 350 00:12:58,687 --> 00:13:00,607 Stop sucking off your gay husband!" 351 00:13:00,691 --> 00:13:03,313 Which is amusing, 'cause I am dinner. 352 00:13:03,397 --> 00:13:05,617 - And I just carry on reaming him. - Nadja. Nadja. 353 00:13:05,701 --> 00:13:07,822 Sexually. You must understand that. 354 00:13:07,906 --> 00:13:10,794 Hey! You got a problem with these guys being gay? 355 00:13:10,878 --> 00:13:12,465 - I will ream you. - No. 356 00:13:12,549 --> 00:13:14,502 - No, I don't have a problem. - You better not. 357 00:13:14,586 --> 00:13:16,306 'Cause I don't mess with homophobes. 358 00:13:16,390 --> 00:13:17,742 - It's the 20th century now. - Thank you for that, Sean. 359 00:13:17,826 --> 00:13:19,612 - Well said. - Please just freeze them. Okay? 360 00:13:19,696 --> 00:13:21,316 - Oh, for fuck's sake. - Appreciated. 361 00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:23,019 What'd you do that for? That was going great. 362 00:13:23,103 --> 00:13:24,922 If you're gonna do this, just hold hands and act normal. 363 00:13:25,006 --> 00:13:27,862 Stop talking about your explicit sexual activities. 364 00:13:27,946 --> 00:13:29,565 - Why? - Jealous. 365 00:13:31,053 --> 00:13:32,538 Y-Your relationship aside, 366 00:13:32,622 --> 00:13:34,675 could you tell me a little bit about Colin? 367 00:13:34,759 --> 00:13:36,813 Oh, yes. Yes, they can. 368 00:13:36,897 --> 00:13:38,550 Yes. 369 00:13:38,634 --> 00:13:40,087 We can. 370 00:13:40,171 --> 00:13:42,625 Yeah. Um, Colin is a... 371 00:13:42,709 --> 00:13:44,529 - Um... - Yes. 372 00:13:44,613 --> 00:13:45,864 - Give us a minute. - Okay. 373 00:13:45,948 --> 00:13:47,635 Colin... 374 00:13:47,719 --> 00:13:49,872 - He... - Colin... 375 00:13:49,956 --> 00:13:53,948 - Uh... - Colin is a bright and energetic boy 376 00:13:54,032 --> 00:13:55,484 who's eager to make friends. 377 00:13:55,568 --> 00:13:57,354 His favorite number is 31. 378 00:13:57,438 --> 00:13:58,924 His favorite color is brown, 379 00:13:59,008 --> 00:14:01,997 and he loves both classic stage and movie musicals. 380 00:14:02,081 --> 00:14:05,637 - He's actually quite a gifted singer and performer himself. - Wow. 381 00:14:05,721 --> 00:14:07,675 For a non-parental figure, 382 00:14:07,759 --> 00:14:09,947 you sure seem to know a lot about Colin. 383 00:14:10,031 --> 00:14:12,051 You bragging about all your Colin Robinson knowledge 384 00:14:12,135 --> 00:14:13,920 is making all of us look like skata. 385 00:14:14,004 --> 00:14:16,059 But no one was saying anything, so I had to say something. 386 00:14:16,143 --> 00:14:17,928 Now he's going to think we're those absentee parent types 387 00:14:18,012 --> 00:14:19,432 who know nothing about their children 388 00:14:19,516 --> 00:14:20,935 and let the nanny do all the work. 389 00:14:21,019 --> 00:14:23,473 - Yeah, well, you are. - Fine. 390 00:14:23,557 --> 00:14:25,611 You want to be king of Baby Colin Robinson? 391 00:14:25,695 --> 00:14:27,815 So, has it been hard 392 00:14:27,899 --> 00:14:30,754 raising Colin alone by myself 393 00:14:30,838 --> 00:14:33,827 as a single parent? Yeah. 394 00:14:33,911 --> 00:14:35,364 Perhaps that's why we're so close. 395 00:14:35,448 --> 00:14:38,003 We only have each other in this cold, 396 00:14:38,087 --> 00:14:40,607 - scary world. - Could I interest you in some 397 00:14:40,691 --> 00:14:42,811 refreshments? Uh... 398 00:14:42,895 --> 00:14:44,148 Potato chips, some eggs, 399 00:14:44,232 --> 00:14:45,985 cigarette, or perhaps a nice, ripe 400 00:14:46,069 --> 00:14:48,407 banana. 401 00:14:49,743 --> 00:14:51,029 Uh... 402 00:14:51,113 --> 00:14:53,099 - Did that upset you? - I'm sorry, what? 403 00:14:53,183 --> 00:14:55,637 Well, you look a little, uh, surprised, or maybe 404 00:14:55,721 --> 00:14:57,074 troubled by what 405 00:14:57,158 --> 00:14:58,577 - Guillermo just said. - No. 406 00:14:58,661 --> 00:15:00,781 That's just... allergies. 407 00:15:00,865 --> 00:15:03,153 This is how I look when I get my allergies. 408 00:15:05,141 --> 00:15:06,926 You know, one of the parents at our school is a 409 00:15:07,010 --> 00:15:09,398 top-notch allergist. I could put you in touch with him. 410 00:15:09,482 --> 00:15:10,734 - Yes. - A very nice family. 411 00:15:10,818 --> 00:15:13,907 Uh, his wife is a wonderful actress, 412 00:15:13,991 --> 00:15:16,446 but it wouldn't be appropriate for me to mention her name. 413 00:15:16,530 --> 00:15:18,016 - Absolutely, no. - Oh, go ahead. 414 00:15:18,100 --> 00:15:19,485 Tell us. - No, no. 415 00:15:19,569 --> 00:15:20,587 Come on. 416 00:15:20,671 --> 00:15:21,991 Let's just say that you would 417 00:15:22,075 --> 00:15:24,963 recognize her from... 418 00:15:25,047 --> 00:15:27,768 more than a few episodes of Law and Order. 419 00:15:27,852 --> 00:15:29,438 Law and Order. I was going to say... 420 00:15:29,522 --> 00:15:30,574 Okay. 421 00:15:30,658 --> 00:15:31,709 I know what's going on here. 422 00:15:31,793 --> 00:15:33,713 It's as clear as day. 423 00:15:33,797 --> 00:15:36,452 This motherfucker is a star fucker. 424 00:15:36,536 --> 00:15:38,657 What? No, I don't think that's what he meant. 425 00:15:38,741 --> 00:15:40,427 Yes, that is what these schools want. 426 00:15:40,511 --> 00:15:42,064 They want the famous parents, so they can be like, 427 00:15:42,148 --> 00:15:44,435 "I couldn't possibly 428 00:15:44,519 --> 00:15:45,737 "say anything, but 429 00:15:45,821 --> 00:15:47,541 "Lionel fucking Barrymore's kids 430 00:15:47,625 --> 00:15:49,912 might just go here." 431 00:15:49,996 --> 00:15:53,186 Nadja's right. He fucks stars. 432 00:15:53,270 --> 00:15:54,855 Where can we find a celebrity, and fast? 433 00:15:54,939 --> 00:15:56,593 Well, this is Staten Island, 434 00:15:56,677 --> 00:16:00,200 which is a veritable playground for the glitterati. 435 00:16:02,689 --> 00:16:03,907 This way. 436 00:16:03,991 --> 00:16:05,979 So, yeah, as long as it's SAG minimum, 437 00:16:06,063 --> 00:16:07,548 I'm down for anything. 438 00:16:07,632 --> 00:16:08,550 Who's this guy? 439 00:16:08,634 --> 00:16:10,587 Shut up. 440 00:16:12,108 --> 00:16:14,095 It is actually very interesting you say that 441 00:16:14,179 --> 00:16:16,633 because, uh, Colin's father here, Mr... 442 00:16:16,717 --> 00:16:18,670 Sal Vulcano, 443 00:16:18,754 --> 00:16:21,175 is a very famous actor also. 444 00:16:21,259 --> 00:16:23,948 I wouldn't consider what I do acting, but... 445 00:16:24,032 --> 00:16:25,884 This is Colin's father, 446 00:16:25,968 --> 00:16:29,558 you know, the guy from Incomprehensible Jesters. 447 00:16:29,642 --> 00:16:31,863 - Impractical Jokers... - Nobody cares. 448 00:16:31,947 --> 00:16:33,566 Just sit there silent. 449 00:16:33,650 --> 00:16:35,737 So, Sal here is Colin's father? 450 00:16:35,821 --> 00:16:36,806 - Mm-hmm. - Yeah. 451 00:16:36,890 --> 00:16:38,710 Or... 452 00:16:38,794 --> 00:16:41,482 I'm sorry, it's been a long day, 453 00:16:41,566 --> 00:16:43,520 and my memory isn't what it once was. 454 00:16:44,939 --> 00:16:47,545 Whoa. Who the hell is that guy? 455 00:16:49,249 --> 00:16:52,037 - It is me, Nandor. - Oh, no, no. 456 00:16:52,121 --> 00:16:53,506 You're not Nandor. 457 00:16:53,590 --> 00:16:55,010 Okay, fine, fine, I am not Nandor. 458 00:16:55,094 --> 00:16:57,247 I am... Adolfo, 459 00:16:57,331 --> 00:16:58,883 the butler or some shit. 460 00:16:58,967 --> 00:17:00,654 - Yeah, all right. - Right. 461 00:17:00,738 --> 00:17:03,827 So... who exactly are the parents here? 462 00:17:03,911 --> 00:17:06,099 Shit. 463 00:17:06,183 --> 00:17:09,071 Uh... I'm not sure I get the joke of the bit. 464 00:17:09,155 --> 00:17:11,576 Laszlo! 465 00:17:11,660 --> 00:17:12,911 Woops. 466 00:17:12,995 --> 00:17:13,913 Prick was getting on my nerves 467 00:17:13,997 --> 00:17:14,915 with his jibber-jabber. 468 00:17:14,999 --> 00:17:16,653 We'll drain him later. 469 00:17:16,737 --> 00:17:18,189 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. If you can hypnotize them 470 00:17:18,273 --> 00:17:20,027 for them to freeze and forget everything, 471 00:17:20,111 --> 00:17:22,031 wouldn't it be easier to just hypnotize Headmaster Warren 472 00:17:22,115 --> 00:17:23,667 into allowing Colin 473 00:17:23,751 --> 00:17:25,904 into the school without all this play-acting? 474 00:17:25,988 --> 00:17:27,908 Did this bitch 475 00:17:27,992 --> 00:17:29,311 just say what I think he said? 476 00:17:29,395 --> 00:17:31,249 - He did. - Are you off your tits, boy? 477 00:17:31,333 --> 00:17:33,319 - What? - He is. - Exactly. 478 00:17:33,403 --> 00:17:35,223 We are in far too deep now, baby. 479 00:17:35,307 --> 00:17:36,793 The only way forward 480 00:17:36,877 --> 00:17:39,182 is to stick to the plan. 481 00:17:39,783 --> 00:17:42,204 Little Colin has so many hobbies, 482 00:17:42,288 --> 00:17:44,041 it's just very hard to keep track. 483 00:17:44,125 --> 00:17:46,679 Yeah, he definitely loves his big little head, you know? 484 00:17:46,763 --> 00:17:48,116 It's always bobbling all around. 485 00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:50,120 Like yours, honey. 486 00:17:50,204 --> 00:17:52,308 This one and that one, they're all bobbling. 487 00:17:53,076 --> 00:17:54,963 The pain of childbirth is nothing 488 00:17:55,047 --> 00:17:56,899 compared to the pain of child rearing. 489 00:17:56,983 --> 00:17:58,603 That's beautifully said. 490 00:17:58,687 --> 00:18:00,975 It's definitely not easy being a single mother, 491 00:18:01,059 --> 00:18:03,580 but I love Baby Colin, my son. 492 00:18:03,664 --> 00:18:06,736 What the actual fuck is that? Is that a talking doll? 493 00:18:08,173 --> 00:18:09,925 So, um, please to tell me a little bit 494 00:18:10,009 --> 00:18:11,629 about Colin's hobbies? 495 00:18:11,713 --> 00:18:12,798 Who is Colin? 496 00:18:12,882 --> 00:18:15,754 Colin is our son, my darling. 497 00:18:16,256 --> 00:18:17,908 Just to be clear, old-timer, 498 00:18:17,992 --> 00:18:19,779 I'm not always the sucker, and he's 499 00:18:19,863 --> 00:18:20,982 not always the reamer. 500 00:18:21,066 --> 00:18:22,618 Though, he does ream me nightly. 501 00:18:22,702 --> 00:18:24,922 Adolfo, you dirty dog. 502 00:18:25,006 --> 00:18:27,361 Wait a second, haven't we already done this one? 503 00:18:27,445 --> 00:18:29,315 Hello. 504 00:18:32,021 --> 00:18:33,306 - Seany! - Hey! 505 00:18:33,390 --> 00:18:34,708 Yo, Lasz. 506 00:18:36,963 --> 00:18:39,218 You know what? I'm not doing this. 507 00:18:39,302 --> 00:18:40,662 Baby. 508 00:18:42,208 --> 00:18:45,197 I'm sorry to cut this short, but my head is killing me. 509 00:18:45,281 --> 00:18:48,069 Oh, you, too? I got, like, the mother of all migraines. 510 00:18:48,153 --> 00:18:49,605 Anyway, it's been 511 00:18:49,689 --> 00:18:52,177 a most informative evening. 512 00:18:52,261 --> 00:18:54,115 So, uh, do you have Colin's transcripts? 513 00:18:54,199 --> 00:18:57,154 What? What's that? 514 00:18:57,238 --> 00:18:59,725 His transcripts from his previous school. 515 00:18:59,809 --> 00:19:02,449 - He's never been to school... - I'll have them sent over tomorrow. 516 00:19:07,191 --> 00:19:09,011 So, yeah, I pulled a few strings to get 517 00:19:09,095 --> 00:19:11,682 the guidance counselor from my old school to work up 518 00:19:11,766 --> 00:19:13,186 a fake transcript for Baby Colin. 519 00:19:13,270 --> 00:19:14,822 You know, not really happy about dipping 520 00:19:14,906 --> 00:19:16,292 into the nightclub fund for it, 521 00:19:16,376 --> 00:19:17,861 or the whole bribery thing in general, 522 00:19:17,945 --> 00:19:19,231 but it's what's best for the child. 523 00:19:19,315 --> 00:19:22,037 Anyways, uh, I'm gonna go for a little walk, 524 00:19:22,121 --> 00:19:24,993 and I'll catch you guys back at the house, okay? 525 00:19:47,204 --> 00:19:48,823 You take care of that, all right? 526 00:19:58,994 --> 00:20:01,782 Hey, guys. 527 00:20:01,866 --> 00:20:04,054 Uh, what's up? 528 00:20:04,138 --> 00:20:06,859 I thought we wrapped for me, I was wrapped for the day. 529 00:20:06,943 --> 00:20:08,730 This isn't what it looks like. 530 00:20:08,814 --> 00:20:10,834 I mean, sure, yes, I've had, you know, 531 00:20:10,918 --> 00:20:12,337 access to more cash lately, 532 00:20:12,421 --> 00:20:14,275 ever since I became the bookkeeper for the club, 533 00:20:14,359 --> 00:20:15,928 but... 534 00:20:17,331 --> 00:20:19,185 I know I shouldn't be stealing 535 00:20:19,269 --> 00:20:20,754 from the club, and I'm not stealing. 536 00:20:20,838 --> 00:20:21,923 I was just putting some cash aside 537 00:20:22,007 --> 00:20:23,393 to pay myself. 538 00:20:23,477 --> 00:20:24,795 It's not even about me. 539 00:20:24,879 --> 00:20:26,199 It's about family, okay? 540 00:20:26,283 --> 00:20:28,369 I just happen to have two families 541 00:20:28,453 --> 00:20:30,006 I got to take care of, huh? 542 00:20:30,090 --> 00:20:31,475 Just like you have a family. 543 00:20:31,559 --> 00:20:33,880 No? 544 00:20:33,964 --> 00:20:36,169 I'll put it right there. 545 00:20:39,542 --> 00:20:40,927 No takers? 546 00:20:41,011 --> 00:20:42,497 Pick it up, lad! 547 00:20:42,581 --> 00:20:44,034 That's it. 548 00:20:44,118 --> 00:20:45,503 - Come on. Baby! - Power through. 549 00:20:45,587 --> 00:20:47,875 - Oh! - This is embarrassing. 550 00:20:47,959 --> 00:20:49,912 These kids need to watch some more Dream Team footage 551 00:20:49,996 --> 00:20:51,215 and then play like that. 552 00:20:51,299 --> 00:20:52,517 Shut up bitching. 553 00:20:52,601 --> 00:20:54,154 He's doing a marvelous job. 554 00:20:54,238 --> 00:20:55,257 Well, after all our hard work, 555 00:20:55,341 --> 00:20:57,094 Baby Colin did not get accepted. 556 00:20:57,178 --> 00:21:00,133 Apparently, Headmaster Warren suffered a massive stroke 557 00:21:00,217 --> 00:21:02,004 only hours after meeting up with us. 558 00:21:02,088 --> 00:21:03,873 The reason for that is most human beings 559 00:21:03,957 --> 00:21:06,012 can only take seven hypnoses per hour. 560 00:21:06,096 --> 00:21:08,883 That man went through 428. 561 00:21:08,967 --> 00:21:10,887 So we didn't have to start all over again, 562 00:21:10,971 --> 00:21:12,858 we decided to enroll Baby Colin 563 00:21:12,942 --> 00:21:14,828 in every community sports league 564 00:21:14,912 --> 00:21:15,932 we could think of. 565 00:21:16,016 --> 00:21:17,534 The volleyballs, softballs... 566 00:21:17,618 --> 00:21:19,772 - And large balls. - Baseballs, 567 00:21:19,856 --> 00:21:20,840 sports balls... 568 00:21:20,924 --> 00:21:22,811 Human stuff. 569 00:21:22,895 --> 00:21:24,448 They're obsessed with balls. 570 00:21:24,532 --> 00:21:26,519 Kill them! Kill them dead! 571 00:21:26,603 --> 00:21:30,160 - Don't you think we might be pushing him a little too hard? - No. 572 00:21:30,244 --> 00:21:31,964 This is essential for his college application. 573 00:21:32,048 --> 00:21:33,399 Plus, he's having a great time. 574 00:21:33,483 --> 00:21:35,837 Put it in the basket! 575 00:21:37,224 --> 00:21:38,910 That's my boy! 576 00:21:38,994 --> 00:21:40,780 - Yes, Colin! - Time for hockey. 577 00:21:40,864 --> 00:21:41,933 Okay. 578 00:21:43,437 --> 00:21:45,390 And now, finally, the boy's 579 00:21:45,474 --> 00:21:48,213 too tired to be such a little shit. 580 00:21:51,019 --> 00:21:53,172 So, ultimately, I realized 581 00:21:53,256 --> 00:21:56,245 I have been completely ruining my life 582 00:21:56,329 --> 00:21:57,247 and my face. 583 00:21:57,331 --> 00:21:59,318 What is ironical is that 584 00:21:59,402 --> 00:22:01,289 I was only doing this to make myself 585 00:22:01,373 --> 00:22:03,459 look better for my wife Marwa. 586 00:22:03,543 --> 00:22:05,932 This was for her, not for me. 587 00:22:06,016 --> 00:22:07,534 So, back to one? 588 00:22:07,618 --> 00:22:08,903 Yes, 589 00:22:08,987 --> 00:22:10,874 if you would be so kind. 590 00:22:10,958 --> 00:22:12,044 I live to serve. 591 00:22:12,128 --> 00:22:13,446 Yes, you do. 592 00:22:13,530 --> 00:22:15,167 Oh! 593 00:22:17,905 --> 00:22:19,124 Kind of tickled. 594 00:22:19,208 --> 00:22:20,894 - I say, Nandor... - Yeah? 595 00:22:20,978 --> 00:22:23,366 ...you really need to quit with the plastic surgery. 596 00:22:23,450 --> 00:22:24,368 You look insane. 597 00:22:24,452 --> 00:22:26,787 Ha, ha. Very funny, Laszlo. 598 00:22:26,872 --> 00:22:28,609 - No reaming for you tonight. - Oh. 599 00:22:28,693 --> 00:22:31,349 No reaming, no sucking, no tickling, 600 00:22:31,433 --> 00:22:33,119 no fingering, no fucking. 601 00:22:33,203 --> 00:22:35,290 And don't even think about scritchy-scratching 602 00:22:35,374 --> 00:22:37,894 on my door like a little horny squirrel. 603 00:22:37,978 --> 00:22:39,966 You can bury your own nuts. 604 00:22:48,133 --> 00:22:49,251 Tonight's take. 605 00:22:49,335 --> 00:22:51,573 Oh, and a very good night indeed. 606 00:22:53,410 --> 00:22:55,030 It's all there. 607 00:22:55,114 --> 00:22:57,885 - Thank you, Guillermo. - Okay. Yeah, you're welcome. 608 00:23:06,970 --> 00:23:09,558 This is not what it looks like. 609 00:23:09,642 --> 00:23:12,264 No. It's exactly what it looks like. 610 00:23:12,348 --> 00:23:13,599 Oh, um, 611 00:23:13,683 --> 00:23:15,103 if you tell anyone this, 612 00:23:15,187 --> 00:23:17,056 I will kill you and your entire family, 613 00:23:17,191 --> 00:23:19,018 and I will invite all your friends to their funeral, 614 00:23:19,102 --> 00:23:22,423 and then I'll kill all of them, too, so... your choice.